Big and I just got in a HUGE fight. I mean both of us yelling and saying fuck every other word. We haven't had a fight like that ever. Normally we are pretty good about hanging up on each other or him telling me to stop and I do.
Not this time. We are both stressed to the max. I have my DMV hearing today, I haven't found a roommate and I am afraid I'll be evicted. I don't know how I am going to pay my attorney the remaining $1500 I owe him. I don't know why I got an attorney because I am not fighting it or anything. But I don't want to do it alone.
Big has his own problems, he is dealing with his fall out from drugs. (I know more druggie men in my life. I thought he was different and then 9 months he wasn't) So he has his own issues.
Thats what we fought about, me and my sucky life and him and his sucky life and blah blah. It was horrible. I called him back and was like "You're not my dad, you're certainly not my boyfriend so stop acting like it and making me feel worse about my DUI." He hung up. Txt me and says "I can't deal with you right now"
Ugh. I hate fighting. I hate being alone. I hate that I have to deal with this by myself. I hate that I am in the situation. I hate lots right now.
I am depressed, anixous, tired, stressed. I have lost almost 10lbs in the last 3 months and thats was before my DUI. Now I am losing more. Mind you, I don't have much to lose. (I am 5'5 and 117ish).
I just want things to get better...I want light at the end of the tunnel and all I see is darkness...
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Girl, it sounds like you've got A LOT on your plate...and it sounds like (fight aside) you're taking leaps (and bounds) in the right direction...
ReplyDelete(1) it's okay to take baby-steps
(2) everyone has setbacks
(3) taking care OF YOURSELF is important
(4) I have a lamp on, new friend...I'll shine it in your direction!
SMILE.
I'm so sorry! It sounds like you certainly had a shitty day. Pretty Mommy gave you some great advice up there. My mom always tells me to go take a long shower, put on some comfortable pajamas, and chill out for a little while. It doesn't solve a lot, but it does give you a chance to relax and try to put things into perspective a little bit.
ReplyDeleteTake a deep breath.
ReplyDeleteRelax.
Give it some time.
Start again.
It's only life.
Hey Pink Zebra-
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your fight :(
Just think positive about the whole DUI situation is all I can really think to say about that... and about finding a roommate-- have you tried to post your apartment/house on craigslist to look for a roommate? I've found apartments through there before, and lots of people are looking for someone to move in with, that are maybe in the same situation as you but need to move elsewhere.
Happy thoughts...
-C.
That really sucks. All of it.
ReplyDeleteI hope this funk passes soon.
It seems every girl has a version of Big in their lives... Hope all is goes ok. Cute blog! :)
ReplyDelete