I pride myself on being VERY level-headed, rational, logical and non-girl crazy when it comes to guys. I like to think I can date like a guy and yet have feelings of a girl. If that makes sense.
So I am amazed at how annoyed I am right now at Mr. J and that annoys me even more. Ugh. Tomorrow is New Years (in case you have been living under a rock) and we are going to a club. We are getting a table and it's going to be a blast. By "we" I mean; Me, Mr. J, Buddie, Hot Asian, a married couple and another friend and a mystery person. This mystery person is who is bugging me, well ok not really. Let me explain.
Mr. J called to see if I was ok with paying for a table, it was to be split between 8 ppl. (noticed I named 7 and a mystery person). I don't know who this mystery person is and I am pretty sure it is a girl for Mr. J. Ugh. This is what pisses me off and then pisses me off that I am pissed.
Mr. J and I fooled around umm...Xmas day, Friday and Sunday night and I was hoping for some crazy 2009 sex. And now thats not going to happen because of this mystery person. I know, I know I am being crazy and there might not even be a girl. This is what pisses me off. Sometimes the crazy girl button goes off and here I am getting pissed that I won't get laid on New Years.
I am also annoyed because the last time we had sex was last fucking Saturday. That is 10 days kids and thats WAY WAY WAAAAAY to long for me.
So this is my crazy girl moment. I am overreacting before I have all the facts and getting all annoyed and fumed. Yes fumed. (I think I spelled it right). Ugh. It will go away in a few hours but GRRR. I just want SEX damn it and Mr. J is just so easy and accessible. LOL.
Ok, I am done now. I am off to the bar with Satan and Tattooed Vixen to met a boy, just in case. LOL.
December 30, 2008
Not again....ugh
I am suppose to be at work right now but I couldn't get up. Actually, I didn't want too. I am in the dark place again. Ugh.
Things were good for about a week and now I am feeling depressed again. Guess I really should start calling a shrink. Ugh. I hate this. I hate that I can't fix myself.
So off to work I go. Blah.
Maybe I can find a happy thought somewhere in my head.
Oh I got one. Tomorrow is New Years and I will look DAMN good too. Woo.
Ok that wore off. Ha.
Back to the drawing board.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
Things were good for about a week and now I am feeling depressed again. Guess I really should start calling a shrink. Ugh. I hate this. I hate that I can't fix myself.
So off to work I go. Blah.
Maybe I can find a happy thought somewhere in my head.
Oh I got one. Tomorrow is New Years and I will look DAMN good too. Woo.
Ok that wore off. Ha.
Back to the drawing board.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 29, 2008
Unbeautiful
Driving to work today I hear this song by Lesley Roy and it made me think about The Ex and that fact that I am still single after almost 6 months. (Which is weird for me).
I couldn't find a video but here is the song and lyrics.
Wow. Ama.zing. It's a good song and it totally fits how I feel. "When did we fall apart or did you lie from the start?" Let me give you the quick story of me and The Ex.
We met at a bar in August/September 07 and it was cocaine at first sight. The first thing he ever bought me was drugs. Should have known then. So we starting dating and it was great, fun and low maintenance. First red flag, he was just in a motorcycle accident and had a broken leg and was living on his best friends couch. Where they would smoke crack daily. (I never smoked it.) And was not working. He was selling drugs to get money. What a winner.
December 07 (my 21st bday) we went with Mr. J and Mandy to our gambling town. The Ex said "It's your bday lets do whateva you want babe, you tell us what you want to do." About 30 mins later I couldn't get him to leave the poker table. Another red flag.
New Years 07/08 I went to a party with HIS friends around 10pm, we were planning on meeting there after he got off work. (At this point he had a job.) 12pm and he still wasn't there. What was he doing, buying and smoking some crack with his buddy. He finally shows up around 12:30pm and I am pissed so I say peace out bitch we are dunzo. And leave to Mr. J where I know I will have fun.
Jan 08 after being apart for 3 weeks he calls and wants to talk. He says he wants to stop doing drugs and wants my support. He didn't want to lose me and he was very sad/disappointed at what he was becoming. So I gave him another chance.
He was clean for ALL of Feb, was working at a restaurant (what he used to do before the accident), he got an apartment and asked me to move in with him. He also received about $90,000 for his settlement from his accident. So things were great. I was in love and we were very happy. I have never felt that before. (I have lived with 2 other boys). It was great.
March 08 he relapses and spends almost $10,000 on drugs. I call his parents and we ship him off to rehab for 60 days. This was hard for me and we moved into a bigger apartment while he was gone. I was all consumed with being the perfect "housewife". I decorated our place, got him gifts and bought numerous books on how to deal with addicts and being supportive.
June 08 he comes home and things are different. He met someone in rehab and had an emotional affair. (I later found out more happened. I snooped his email and myspace.) I didn't want to stop drinking, I did stop the cocaine. Seeing him go through withdrawals and how he was a loser really opened my eyes. July 08 we break up.
Ok that's wasn't very quick. Sorry but it's hard to really sum it up. Back to how the song relates to me. It wasn't my idea to break up, I wanted to work on things together and figure it out. We had talked about marriage, kids and a future with each other. It was us against the world.
I have NEVER given myself so fully before in a relationship. I don't let myself fall hard for guys as quickly as I did with him. I wanted to be domestic and all 50s for him. Never had that thought before. I was truly in love. Red flag 3, I was in love with his potential and what I wished/hoped he would be. He has told 6-7 other girls he loved them and proposed to his last girlfriend. #4. But he told me I was different and we were 'real'. Ha.
Needless to say our break up crushed me. He broke me deeper than I have ever broke before. I usually get over boys fast and starting dating with 2-3 months. I just barley started flirting again at the bar and I have met a few boys but I keep flaking on plans. I am SO afraid of being hurt again. I feel unbeautiful. I feel like my awkward 15yrs old self again. It's horrible.
I have met and played with ONE new boy, Nigel. And that doesn't happen very often and is just sex. I can't bring myself to go further. I am scared and I hate it. I am never scared. The Valet guy I met on my bday has been txting me every day and I am afraid to get close or be just sex.
Since The Ex, I have realized what a "real" relationship is and not the just sex kind I am used too. I want that feeling again, but I don't want this feeling again. Ugh. It's a catch 22. WTF. I usually love dating, the excitement, the new experiences, the people and the shopping for hot date clothes. I am just afraid to get hurt. I am jaded at 22. Wow.
Wow. I am really chaty/typy tonight. Again with the therapeutic blogging. Anyway this song really fits how I feel.
On a side note...I will be making more of an effort to start dating and getting my feet wet. It is a NYR. To date more. :)
Ok ok ok...I am done.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
I couldn't find a video but here is the song and lyrics.
Wow. Ama.zing. It's a good song and it totally fits how I feel. "When did we fall apart or did you lie from the start?" Let me give you the quick story of me and The Ex.
We met at a bar in August/September 07 and it was cocaine at first sight. The first thing he ever bought me was drugs. Should have known then. So we starting dating and it was great, fun and low maintenance. First red flag, he was just in a motorcycle accident and had a broken leg and was living on his best friends couch. Where they would smoke crack daily. (I never smoked it.) And was not working. He was selling drugs to get money. What a winner.
December 07 (my 21st bday) we went with Mr. J and Mandy to our gambling town. The Ex said "It's your bday lets do whateva you want babe, you tell us what you want to do." About 30 mins later I couldn't get him to leave the poker table. Another red flag.
New Years 07/08 I went to a party with HIS friends around 10pm, we were planning on meeting there after he got off work. (At this point he had a job.) 12pm and he still wasn't there. What was he doing, buying and smoking some crack with his buddy. He finally shows up around 12:30pm and I am pissed so I say peace out bitch we are dunzo. And leave to Mr. J where I know I will have fun.
Jan 08 after being apart for 3 weeks he calls and wants to talk. He says he wants to stop doing drugs and wants my support. He didn't want to lose me and he was very sad/disappointed at what he was becoming. So I gave him another chance.
He was clean for ALL of Feb, was working at a restaurant (what he used to do before the accident), he got an apartment and asked me to move in with him. He also received about $90,000 for his settlement from his accident. So things were great. I was in love and we were very happy. I have never felt that before. (I have lived with 2 other boys). It was great.
March 08 he relapses and spends almost $10,000 on drugs. I call his parents and we ship him off to rehab for 60 days. This was hard for me and we moved into a bigger apartment while he was gone. I was all consumed with being the perfect "housewife". I decorated our place, got him gifts and bought numerous books on how to deal with addicts and being supportive.
June 08 he comes home and things are different. He met someone in rehab and had an emotional affair. (I later found out more happened. I snooped his email and myspace.) I didn't want to stop drinking, I did stop the cocaine. Seeing him go through withdrawals and how he was a loser really opened my eyes. July 08 we break up.
Ok that's wasn't very quick. Sorry but it's hard to really sum it up. Back to how the song relates to me. It wasn't my idea to break up, I wanted to work on things together and figure it out. We had talked about marriage, kids and a future with each other. It was us against the world.
I have NEVER given myself so fully before in a relationship. I don't let myself fall hard for guys as quickly as I did with him. I wanted to be domestic and all 50s for him. Never had that thought before. I was truly in love. Red flag 3, I was in love with his potential and what I wished/hoped he would be. He has told 6-7 other girls he loved them and proposed to his last girlfriend. #4. But he told me I was different and we were 'real'. Ha.
Needless to say our break up crushed me. He broke me deeper than I have ever broke before. I usually get over boys fast and starting dating with 2-3 months. I just barley started flirting again at the bar and I have met a few boys but I keep flaking on plans. I am SO afraid of being hurt again. I feel unbeautiful. I feel like my awkward 15yrs old self again. It's horrible.
I have met and played with ONE new boy, Nigel. And that doesn't happen very often and is just sex. I can't bring myself to go further. I am scared and I hate it. I am never scared. The Valet guy I met on my bday has been txting me every day and I am afraid to get close or be just sex.
Since The Ex, I have realized what a "real" relationship is and not the just sex kind I am used too. I want that feeling again, but I don't want this feeling again. Ugh. It's a catch 22. WTF. I usually love dating, the excitement, the new experiences, the people and the shopping for hot date clothes. I am just afraid to get hurt. I am jaded at 22. Wow.
Wow. I am really chaty/typy tonight. Again with the therapeutic blogging. Anyway this song really fits how I feel.
On a side note...I will be making more of an effort to start dating and getting my feet wet. It is a NYR. To date more. :)
Ok ok ok...I am done.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 26, 2008
White Christmas
Merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a great holiday. I doubt it was a classic as mine. LOL.
Xmas Eve after work I went to Mr. J's for some holiday drinks. It ended up being just us so a few shots later we thought of a great plan, watch Strange Wilderness and take a hit whenever they do. Great idea. If you have never seen this movie please only watch inebriated. :) And there are several scenes where they smoke so by the end of the movie we are pretty messed up. Haha. Yet, we knew we need more shots.
Merry Christmas. More shots. Sad no Christmas play time. Another shot. It's still snowing. Shot. To us being troopers. Double shot. Needless to say we were pretty inebriated. At some point we decide we should go to sleep because we both have family events in the morning. So Mr. J puts on some Futurama and off to sleep we go.
Wake up Christmas morning and it is a white Christmas. I mean it is snowing a LOT and the wind is blowing so hard the snow looks sideways.
We look at each other and decide we are not going anywhere. My car has super bald tires and Mr. J drives a Corvette. Not smart for either of us. So we call our parents and go back to sleep.
A few hours and quick play time later we decide it is time for more shots. Buddie comes home about this time and more shots. So pretty much our Christmas was spent taking shots and playing old school Super Mario Brothers. Good times.
We decided we should brave the weather and take Buzz's SUV and go see The Spirit. Good movie. (I'll do my review of this movie on Sunday, since I wont be seeing a movie, Mr. J and I are taking a trip to go gamble and drink).
All in all it was a good Christmas. The first Christmas I wasn't with my family, which was sad and a little weird but I still enjoyed it. We had a great Christmas and I am very happy and lucky to have these boys as my friends.
This morning my car was buried in snow and it took Mr. J and Buddie almost 2 hours to shovel the drive way and start unburying my car. Wow. Than it took another twenty minutes to get my car into the street, again bald tires.
Now I am home and about to take a nap before I go to work. It was a great Christmas and I am very thankful for my friends and family.
Ta ta...
Ms. Pink Zebra
Xmas Eve after work I went to Mr. J's for some holiday drinks. It ended up being just us so a few shots later we thought of a great plan, watch Strange Wilderness and take a hit whenever they do. Great idea. If you have never seen this movie please only watch inebriated. :) And there are several scenes where they smoke so by the end of the movie we are pretty messed up. Haha. Yet, we knew we need more shots.
Merry Christmas. More shots. Sad no Christmas play time. Another shot. It's still snowing. Shot. To us being troopers. Double shot. Needless to say we were pretty inebriated. At some point we decide we should go to sleep because we both have family events in the morning. So Mr. J puts on some Futurama and off to sleep we go.
Wake up Christmas morning and it is a white Christmas. I mean it is snowing a LOT and the wind is blowing so hard the snow looks sideways.
We look at each other and decide we are not going anywhere. My car has super bald tires and Mr. J drives a Corvette. Not smart for either of us. So we call our parents and go back to sleep.
A few hours and quick play time later we decide it is time for more shots. Buddie comes home about this time and more shots. So pretty much our Christmas was spent taking shots and playing old school Super Mario Brothers. Good times.
We decided we should brave the weather and take Buzz's SUV and go see The Spirit. Good movie. (I'll do my review of this movie on Sunday, since I wont be seeing a movie, Mr. J and I are taking a trip to go gamble and drink).
All in all it was a good Christmas. The first Christmas I wasn't with my family, which was sad and a little weird but I still enjoyed it. We had a great Christmas and I am very happy and lucky to have these boys as my friends.
This morning my car was buried in snow and it took Mr. J and Buddie almost 2 hours to shovel the drive way and start unburying my car. Wow. Than it took another twenty minutes to get my car into the street, again bald tires.
Now I am home and about to take a nap before I go to work. It was a great Christmas and I am very thankful for my friends and family.
Ta ta...
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 24, 2008
Oh no...I think I am Scrooge!!
So after reading other blogs and receiving gifts at work I have determined that I am Scrooge.
I didn't get anybody ANYTHING, NADA, ZELCH. Oops. I just haven't had the time or the money and I don't know if what do get everyone. Upon much research/blog reading/receiving gifts have I become disappointed that I didn't get anything or really put that much thought into it.
I enjoy receiving gifts, I mean who doesn't. and the last fews years I haven't really been giving them. My excuse has been if I can't do anything big I won't do anything at all. So I haven't. And now I feel like Scrooge. Oh no.
So, my NYR (New Year Resolution) is to be more proactive about sending Birthday, Anniversary, Congrats, Baby, Xmas and Holiday cards. Even if it is something simple, like a small quote and a $10 gift card. It will help in some way right. Isn't there a saying for a purpose.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!
Ta ta..
Ms. Pink Zebra
I didn't get anybody ANYTHING, NADA, ZELCH. Oops. I just haven't had the time or the money and I don't know if what do get everyone. Upon much research/blog reading/receiving gifts have I become disappointed that I didn't get anything or really put that much thought into it.
I enjoy receiving gifts, I mean who doesn't. and the last fews years I haven't really been giving them. My excuse has been if I can't do anything big I won't do anything at all. So I haven't. And now I feel like Scrooge. Oh no.
So, my NYR (New Year Resolution) is to be more proactive about sending Birthday, Anniversary, Congrats, Baby, Xmas and Holiday cards. Even if it is something simple, like a small quote and a $10 gift card. It will help in some way right. Isn't there a saying for a purpose.
I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!
Ta ta..
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 23, 2008
Thanks Mommy...
Yes, I still call my mom "Mommy". And I still use "Daddy." I am a little kid at heart. :)
So, my mom has a blog and she is doing a different Top 5 every day kinda like in High Fidelity. I decided I'll do a Top 5 today and maybe a few more here and there. I think it will be a good way to get to know me better and what I find funny and my
Top 5 of certain areas.
Today's topic, commericals. I know most people hate them and fast forward through them on DVR but I wont. Sometimes I do but most times not, The Ex used to get SO annoyed with me. Especially if he was fast forwarding and I would yell "STOP!! I love that commerical!!" LOL. These are in no order.
1. These M&Ms make me laugh SO hard. If I was a M&M that is what I would be, maybe I'd be pink though.
2. This one reminds me of my Pops and my little sister. She is only 3 now but I imagine them doing this one Saturday afternoon when she is older. And this guy has GREAT moves, just like Pops.
3. This baby is so funny. He is such a pimp. Thats all I can say about this.
4. I got this in an email at work and we did the same thing. Well kinda, we went to the bar after on our boss. It was great fun. I hope it inspires you as well.
5. I just wish my moves were this good. I have studied this for hours and still I come up short. Shit. LOL.
Ta da!! Those are my favorite commericals. Well the Top 5 anyway. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I do.
Have a Merry Xmas and Ill be back in a few days.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
So, my mom has a blog and she is doing a different Top 5 every day kinda like in High Fidelity. I decided I'll do a Top 5 today and maybe a few more here and there. I think it will be a good way to get to know me better and what I find funny and my
Top 5 of certain areas.
Today's topic, commericals. I know most people hate them and fast forward through them on DVR but I wont. Sometimes I do but most times not, The Ex used to get SO annoyed with me. Especially if he was fast forwarding and I would yell "STOP!! I love that commerical!!" LOL. These are in no order.
1. These M&Ms make me laugh SO hard. If I was a M&M that is what I would be, maybe I'd be pink though.
2. This one reminds me of my Pops and my little sister. She is only 3 now but I imagine them doing this one Saturday afternoon when she is older. And this guy has GREAT moves, just like Pops.
3. This baby is so funny. He is such a pimp. Thats all I can say about this.
4. I got this in an email at work and we did the same thing. Well kinda, we went to the bar after on our boss. It was great fun. I hope it inspires you as well.
5. I just wish my moves were this good. I have studied this for hours and still I come up short. Shit. LOL.
Ta da!! Those are my favorite commericals. Well the Top 5 anyway. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I do.
Have a Merry Xmas and Ill be back in a few days.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 22, 2008
YES!!
I encountered my first YES today. :)
While checking my bank balance it asked if I would like a tour of Finance Works by Quicken. Yes. So I checked it out, this thing is AMAZING. I don't like other Quicken programs because there is SO much up keep and effort. But this one does everything for you.
It is amazing. I shows how much money came in and how much went out and if I over spent or saved. And it averages how much I spent on certain categories. It will track your transactions and then estimate how much your next bill will be. This is great. This is what I need to help me stay on top of my spending even more.
With my current money issues I am afraid I'll lose my apartment and have to move in with roommates...again. I am SO over roommates. You don't get much freedom and I hate cleaning up after myself sometimes. I admit I am a bit of a slob. One day I'll be a horrible wife who doesn't clean but hires a cleaning service. LOL. Plus that would mean no more crazy, rug burn inducing, breaking candles, spilling wax sex on the living room floor. (Nigel did it.) And that would be horrible.
So, my first YES is a success. :) I hope it continues and I will have less to worry about. I am too young for wrinkles.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
While checking my bank balance it asked if I would like a tour of Finance Works by Quicken. Yes. So I checked it out, this thing is AMAZING. I don't like other Quicken programs because there is SO much up keep and effort. But this one does everything for you.It is amazing. I shows how much money came in and how much went out and if I over spent or saved. And it averages how much I spent on certain categories. It will track your transactions and then estimate how much your next bill will be. This is great. This is what I need to help me stay on top of my spending even more.
With my current money issues I am afraid I'll lose my apartment and have to move in with roommates...again. I am SO over roommates. You don't get much freedom and I hate cleaning up after myself sometimes. I admit I am a bit of a slob. One day I'll be a horrible wife who doesn't clean but hires a cleaning service. LOL. Plus that would mean no more crazy, rug burn inducing, breaking candles, spilling wax sex on the living room floor. (Nigel did it.) And that would be horrible.
So, my first YES is a success. :) I hope it continues and I will have less to worry about. I am too young for wrinkles.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
Sunday Night Movie
It's that time again kiddies, thats right, Sunday Night Movie, :::ba ba ba:::.
This week we saw YES! Man, starring Jim Carey. It was very good. And hilarious, with a bit of love story.
Jim Carey has to say "yes" to every opportunity that provides its self to him. It gets him in some ups and downs, and it hilarious how he handles them. :)
It was great show and I give it 5 Vodka Bottles. (I don't know how to put them side by side)
The great thing about this movie, is it got me thinking. I want to say "yes" to every opportunity that pops up for the next 6 months and see how positive I feel. :) I won't say "yes" to things that harm me or I don't really want to do or don't feel comfy doing. I think it will help me realize I can be happy and I can be in control. Or it will completely backfire. Who knows. But I'll keep track and keep ya posted.
Ta ta..
Ms. Pink Zebra
This week we saw YES! Man, starring Jim Carey. It was very good. And hilarious, with a bit of love story.
Jim Carey has to say "yes" to every opportunity that provides its self to him. It gets him in some ups and downs, and it hilarious how he handles them. :)
It was great show and I give it 5 Vodka Bottles. (I don't know how to put them side by side)
The great thing about this movie, is it got me thinking. I want to say "yes" to every opportunity that pops up for the next 6 months and see how positive I feel. :) I won't say "yes" to things that harm me or I don't really want to do or don't feel comfy doing. I think it will help me realize I can be happy and I can be in control. Or it will completely backfire. Who knows. But I'll keep track and keep ya posted.
Ta ta..
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 20, 2008
Stupid Boys...
So things have been improving but I had some recent trouble that I don't want to discuss here. Instead I tell my story about the boys in my life.
Thursday night I went to the bar and had a few AMFs (love those drinks) and I told Mr. J that I wanted to go over to his house after the bar and play. About 30 mins later Nigel wanted to come home with me. (Nigel works at the bar and Mr. J bet me $50 I couldn't sleep with him in Septish and I did. Woo. And we have a few times since.) So I was like...hmm...I get Mr. J a lot so ill take Nigel home.
Wow. Mr. J flipped out. He got SO pissed. Granted I would be upset too but I thought he would blow it off and just say whateva. (He kinda has blown me off before). But he was PISSED. I have never seen him that mad, especially at me. So then I told Nigel I can't go home with him (cuz I would rather go home with Mr. J - didnt say this) he got mad too. WTF.
From my understanding these boys are my play pals, NOT anyone I am emotionally involved with or who I felt was emotionally involved with me. My boss, Red, told me that they BOTH have feelings for me and I can't juggle them around like that. That was complete news to me. Mr. J and I have been playing for years and we hang out 3-4 week. Nigel and I have been playing around for about 3-4 months and playtime is not very often.
So, it was a surprise to me that Red told me they were jealous. Kinda of exciting but kinda of weird. So I told Mr. J I was sorry and that I would come over and he said no. :(
I went home by myself.
Friday morning, I call Mr. J and said sorry about last night and I don't remember much. And he was still upset with me and said we are still friends but no more play pals. Which will probably last a week or so. So hopefully things can patch up and I can figure out if he or Nigel really have feelings for me.
Also, Big was at my house Friday morning while I was talking to Mr. J and he got upset about our conversation too. Big is the one boy I want SO SO bad and I can't have. And he has talked to ex's in front of me so I thought it was ok.
Oh and Nigel txt me and was like you can't act like that at my work if we are going to continue this. WTF. He always tells me we have a short shelf life. Boys.
I don't get them. They tell me one thing then get jealous. I like to thing I act more like a boy in that I can not have an emotional connection and then WAM they have one. Ugh. If you fuckin want me then man up and do it, otherwise we are just sex. Or just friends. If you can't be a man and be what I want and what you really want deep down then you have no right to get fuckin jealous. Stay tuned...
On a side note, I just saw the must precious commercial. This dude was saying how he wakes up in the middle of the night to watch his girl sleep. He then writes a note for her to find later in the day. It was SO fucking precious. I want a guy like that.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
Thursday night I went to the bar and had a few AMFs (love those drinks) and I told Mr. J that I wanted to go over to his house after the bar and play. About 30 mins later Nigel wanted to come home with me. (Nigel works at the bar and Mr. J bet me $50 I couldn't sleep with him in Septish and I did. Woo. And we have a few times since.) So I was like...hmm...I get Mr. J a lot so ill take Nigel home.
Wow. Mr. J flipped out. He got SO pissed. Granted I would be upset too but I thought he would blow it off and just say whateva. (He kinda has blown me off before). But he was PISSED. I have never seen him that mad, especially at me. So then I told Nigel I can't go home with him (cuz I would rather go home with Mr. J - didnt say this) he got mad too. WTF.
From my understanding these boys are my play pals, NOT anyone I am emotionally involved with or who I felt was emotionally involved with me. My boss, Red, told me that they BOTH have feelings for me and I can't juggle them around like that. That was complete news to me. Mr. J and I have been playing for years and we hang out 3-4 week. Nigel and I have been playing around for about 3-4 months and playtime is not very often.
So, it was a surprise to me that Red told me they were jealous. Kinda of exciting but kinda of weird. So I told Mr. J I was sorry and that I would come over and he said no. :(
I went home by myself.
Friday morning, I call Mr. J and said sorry about last night and I don't remember much. And he was still upset with me and said we are still friends but no more play pals. Which will probably last a week or so. So hopefully things can patch up and I can figure out if he or Nigel really have feelings for me.
Also, Big was at my house Friday morning while I was talking to Mr. J and he got upset about our conversation too. Big is the one boy I want SO SO bad and I can't have. And he has talked to ex's in front of me so I thought it was ok.
Oh and Nigel txt me and was like you can't act like that at my work if we are going to continue this. WTF. He always tells me we have a short shelf life. Boys.
I don't get them. They tell me one thing then get jealous. I like to thing I act more like a boy in that I can not have an emotional connection and then WAM they have one. Ugh. If you fuckin want me then man up and do it, otherwise we are just sex. Or just friends. If you can't be a man and be what I want and what you really want deep down then you have no right to get fuckin jealous. Stay tuned...
On a side note, I just saw the must precious commercial. This dude was saying how he wakes up in the middle of the night to watch his girl sleep. He then writes a note for her to find later in the day. It was SO fucking precious. I want a guy like that.
Ta ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 17, 2008
Seriously?
So things just took a turn in the wrong direction....
I was demoted at work. Boo. My attitude, performance and some drama that happened last week got me in this position. It really sucks and I am uber disappointed in myself. But at least I have a job.
I hate that I let this happen to myself, I hate that I am having a quarter life crisis and it is causing a lot issues for me. I hate that I am unable to pull myself out of this quickly. I hate that I feel lost. Wow, I didn't realize all of the hate. Let me explain some of the thoughts bouncing around my head right now...
Why I am I going to school? To learn? To make more money? Why did I chose a pink xmas tree? How I am going to pay rent with my demotion? What makes me happy? What is my fave color? Do I want to stay in my current job or find another one? Do I want to aspire to what I was in this same environment? Do I want to keep living by myself? Am I possibly an alcoholic? Why do I date drug addicts? Am I single because I am really happy or afraid to get hurt? Do I want to keep majoring in Communications? Why do I keep losing weight? Do I watch too much tv? Where do I want to go in life? What is my purpose? What do I want to be when I grow up? Who I am? Which way is up and which way is down? Am I a failure? Do I expect too much of myself? Am I crazy? Do I want to be married one day? Kids? Will I be able to go to school next semester? How will I afford it? Can I appeal my suspension? If I don't go to school will I feel stupid? Why do I spend SO much money on random things? How can I make pretty decent money and still come up short? Why I am so stubborn? Can I change? Do I want to change? Is life always going to be this hard? How did I end up here? How did I allow myself to get this deep in a dark, gloomy, depressed hole? How long before I am myself again? Once I am myself will I get my promo back? Will I be successful? WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT TO DO, WHERE TO GO, END UP, OR BE??
See? Crazy. I did them in a paragraph because they come one right after another. It is annoying and I have never felt this way before. I have always been able to analyze myself and fix it. I am very self aware and I know what I want do when I feel like this. However, this time is WAY worse and I need some serious help. Eek. I don't like shrinks, especially the ones here. They tend to be very judgy and being a possible alcoholic and sexual tendencies doesn't help.
Boo. This is a serious issue and it seriously sucks. I just turned 22 and here I am on the verge of a mental break down. Ugh. I don't know how many of you have experience this or something similar but I hope not. Or that you got through it. Otherwise I am screwed. LOL.
So my current plan of action. I will be drinking an insane amount of energy drinks to stay positive and happy at my job. I am purchasing a few books on quarter life crisises, (I like to research things, I know my inner self is geeky.)(Maybe I need to get in touch with that part a little more). I am purchasing a book on money and balancing it. Also, I am going to speak with a financial aid advisor tomorrow to see my options.
Wow. Blogging is therapeutic...again. It has helped me form a plan of action. I just typed that and then realized, WOW, look what I did. (I got to call my mom, she'll be proud) Updates will be posted.
I feel like using one of my wishes. Remember I only have three. I will think about it thoroughly before I decide to use a wish.
Ta Ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
I was demoted at work. Boo. My attitude, performance and some drama that happened last week got me in this position. It really sucks and I am uber disappointed in myself. But at least I have a job.
I hate that I let this happen to myself, I hate that I am having a quarter life crisis and it is causing a lot issues for me. I hate that I am unable to pull myself out of this quickly. I hate that I feel lost. Wow, I didn't realize all of the hate. Let me explain some of the thoughts bouncing around my head right now...
Why I am I going to school? To learn? To make more money? Why did I chose a pink xmas tree? How I am going to pay rent with my demotion? What makes me happy? What is my fave color? Do I want to stay in my current job or find another one? Do I want to aspire to what I was in this same environment? Do I want to keep living by myself? Am I possibly an alcoholic? Why do I date drug addicts? Am I single because I am really happy or afraid to get hurt? Do I want to keep majoring in Communications? Why do I keep losing weight? Do I watch too much tv? Where do I want to go in life? What is my purpose? What do I want to be when I grow up? Who I am? Which way is up and which way is down? Am I a failure? Do I expect too much of myself? Am I crazy? Do I want to be married one day? Kids? Will I be able to go to school next semester? How will I afford it? Can I appeal my suspension? If I don't go to school will I feel stupid? Why do I spend SO much money on random things? How can I make pretty decent money and still come up short? Why I am so stubborn? Can I change? Do I want to change? Is life always going to be this hard? How did I end up here? How did I allow myself to get this deep in a dark, gloomy, depressed hole? How long before I am myself again? Once I am myself will I get my promo back? Will I be successful? WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT TO DO, WHERE TO GO, END UP, OR BE??
See? Crazy. I did them in a paragraph because they come one right after another. It is annoying and I have never felt this way before. I have always been able to analyze myself and fix it. I am very self aware and I know what I want do when I feel like this. However, this time is WAY worse and I need some serious help. Eek. I don't like shrinks, especially the ones here. They tend to be very judgy and being a possible alcoholic and sexual tendencies doesn't help.
Boo. This is a serious issue and it seriously sucks. I just turned 22 and here I am on the verge of a mental break down. Ugh. I don't know how many of you have experience this or something similar but I hope not. Or that you got through it. Otherwise I am screwed. LOL.
So my current plan of action. I will be drinking an insane amount of energy drinks to stay positive and happy at my job. I am purchasing a few books on quarter life crisises, (I like to research things, I know my inner self is geeky.)(Maybe I need to get in touch with that part a little more). I am purchasing a book on money and balancing it. Also, I am going to speak with a financial aid advisor tomorrow to see my options.
Wow. Blogging is therapeutic...again. It has helped me form a plan of action. I just typed that and then realized, WOW, look what I did. (I got to call my mom, she'll be proud) Updates will be posted.
I feel like using one of my wishes. Remember I only have three. I will think about it thoroughly before I decide to use a wish.
Ta Ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
Drunk....
So here I am on a Tuesday night and just home from the bar and in need of some serious sexy time.
I txt Mr. J and no bueno.
I txt Nigel and no bueno.
I txt and called Big and still no fucking bueno.
Geez. I hate being drunk and horny. It is the worst. I just want some sexy time. I could call The Ex but that would cause too much drama and I just want some fun.
So, I am going to sleep. Alone. Horny. And cold. WTF. Geez. What is the point of having your own place if you can't play in the kitchen, bathroom, "laundry room", living room oh and bedroom when you want. Ugh. I guess I shouldn't gripe, it has only been 2 days. But when the mood strikes you just want some.
Ok....I am going to bed before I drive my drunk ass insane.
Ta Ta
Drunk and Horny Ms. Pink Zebra
I txt Mr. J and no bueno.
I txt Nigel and no bueno.
I txt and called Big and still no fucking bueno.
Geez. I hate being drunk and horny. It is the worst. I just want some sexy time. I could call The Ex but that would cause too much drama and I just want some fun.
So, I am going to sleep. Alone. Horny. And cold. WTF. Geez. What is the point of having your own place if you can't play in the kitchen, bathroom, "laundry room", living room oh and bedroom when you want. Ugh. I guess I shouldn't gripe, it has only been 2 days. But when the mood strikes you just want some.
Ok....I am going to bed before I drive my drunk ass insane.
Ta Ta
Drunk and Horny Ms. Pink Zebra
December 15, 2008
Sunday Night Movie Review
Ok kiddies, I go to a movie every Sunday with Mr. J and Buddie. We have a ritual of playing a few games of beer pong and bringing a few roadies in my purse. (This is why we have big purses ladies). So I thought I would do my own reviews and hopefully it will help you in your next movie choice.
*Side note, we were going to see The Day the Earth Stood Still, but it received bad reviews.
So this week's movie was Transporter 3. WOW. This movie was horrible. I haven't seen any of the other Transporter movies, so I wasn't quite sure what was going on. But it looked like a cheap ass Bond movie. The action was a little over the top and few and far between. There was much more pillow talk with the ridiculous "Russian" actress. It seems as though we are on a bad movie kick, I hope this Sunday's YES! Man is better. :)
I give it 1 Vodka bottle out of 5. (This will be my scale, no more stars people.)
My birthday/Ugly Sweater Party was fucking awesome!! It was a great party. Lots of people came and their sweaters were great. We had a blasty blast. There was dancing and 2 rooms of beer pong and of course shots. Mr. J and I had a dance off and then grinded to some butt rock music. That was a sight. LOL.
Oh and of course Mr. J invited a chick he was kinda digging, but she had the horrible dread poofy hair. Think Mean Girls with more poof and more secrets. Bad. She made a drunken ass of herself, that was entertaining for me and Giraffe. LOl. It turned out very nice and everyone left at the same time, which meant I got to sleep with Mr. J in his bed and not the couch! WOO!! :) And of course I got another birthday treat!! That was SO good!! :)
Pics will be up soon. :)
The one thing I wish I would have gotten on my birthday....a call from my ex, Dr.Phil. We broke up about 5 months ago and I haven't talked to him in about a month. Mostly because jackass owes me money and he won't call me. Can you already see why we broke up? :) I hate that I have this little hole that I wanted him to fill. Ugh. Even this morning my phone rang and it was a number I didn't recognized and I hoped it was him. Boo. Oh well.
Ta Ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
*Side note, we were going to see The Day the Earth Stood Still, but it received bad reviews.
So this week's movie was Transporter 3. WOW. This movie was horrible. I haven't seen any of the other Transporter movies, so I wasn't quite sure what was going on. But it looked like a cheap ass Bond movie. The action was a little over the top and few and far between. There was much more pillow talk with the ridiculous "Russian" actress. It seems as though we are on a bad movie kick, I hope this Sunday's YES! Man is better. :)
I give it 1 Vodka bottle out of 5. (This will be my scale, no more stars people.)
My birthday/Ugly Sweater Party was fucking awesome!! It was a great party. Lots of people came and their sweaters were great. We had a blasty blast. There was dancing and 2 rooms of beer pong and of course shots. Mr. J and I had a dance off and then grinded to some butt rock music. That was a sight. LOL.
Oh and of course Mr. J invited a chick he was kinda digging, but she had the horrible dread poofy hair. Think Mean Girls with more poof and more secrets. Bad. She made a drunken ass of herself, that was entertaining for me and Giraffe. LOl. It turned out very nice and everyone left at the same time, which meant I got to sleep with Mr. J in his bed and not the couch! WOO!! :) And of course I got another birthday treat!! That was SO good!! :)
Pics will be up soon. :)
The one thing I wish I would have gotten on my birthday....a call from my ex, Dr.Phil. We broke up about 5 months ago and I haven't talked to him in about a month. Mostly because jackass owes me money and he won't call me. Can you already see why we broke up? :) I hate that I have this little hole that I wanted him to fill. Ugh. Even this morning my phone rang and it was a number I didn't recognized and I hoped it was him. Boo. Oh well.
Ta Ta
Ms. Pink Zebra
December 13, 2008
Birthday Girl!!
Today is my 22nd Birthday!!
Woo!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEE MEE....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! WOO!
Last night was a blast. My girls; Satan, Giraffe, Biz, Foxxy, The Mrs. and I went to dinner at a sushi place. They cook in front of you and do super cool tricks. It was a blast, Biz got a shrimp on the forehead and The Mrs. got one in her hair. It was a great time.
After dinner, Giraffe left (she isnt 21 yet) and we headed to the club to met up with Tattooed Vix. The girls all pitched in and got me a table, which was super sweet. I almost shed tears because I know how expensive they can be. It was a small club and place we have never been before but it was a blast. We were def the hottest women there. This is confirmed because when I emptied my boots (they act as a purse) I found 4 different cards of photographers. lol. So I guess we will be all over the internet soon. YES!!
We had the security guards and VIP hostess buy us all shots. Not to mention the bottle of Parrot Bay we chugged in the car, so needless to say we were pretty buzzed. By the end of the night me and Tattooed Vix were dancing on the tables and being offered jobs as go go dancers. lol. Good Times.
I did met a boy though. Woo. The valet guy, they didn't make us pay before we went in the club so afterwards we only had enough money for paying them. No tip. Ek. I know that is horrible, I am a server for fuck's sake. So I gave him my number and told him he could take me out. lol. So we will see if anything happens with Dave the Valet. :) oh and I have some random person, Hank the Tank in my phone. No idea who this is. And I don't plan too.
So it was a GREAT night and I love my girls to death. I have known Foxxy, Biz and The Mrs. since 7th grade. It is great that we have made it this far. :)
The best part....I ended my night with Mr. J and had a birthday treat. Yes.
Tonight will be almost as good. It is the 5th Annual Ugly Sweater Party at Mr. J's. The girls are coming and I can't wait. We always have a blast at his parties. He throws the best ones. Which reminds me, I need to stop blogging and blog stalking and go to Target.
Oh I will do a post of the peeps in my life, so you understand a little bit more of them and their history with me.
Ta Ta..
Ms. Zebra
December 11, 2008
tech idiot....and then some....
So with all my recent blogging and blog stalking I have come to terms that I am no longer internet savvy. OMFG!!
I look at blogs and I am amazed at how their backgrounds are or how they get links into their blogs. WOW. I know, I know, it takes time and I will pick it up in no time, but geez. I feel like a child of this techno age I should be running CSS codes like nothin. *Side note, I didn't even know what CSS was until...umm....yesterday when I officially started my blogs. Ya. True sad sad story.*
So if I ask super simple questions or I have mistakes and I don't know how to fix them, please don't harass the animal. :) I am still learning. I am excited to learn but please be patient and don't laugh. Well I guess you can, because I won't be able to see it. jk.
In other news...I am freaking out!!! Like I had to cry on my apartment floor, kick my feet and say "I did my best, I did my best" over and over again for at least 30 minutes. Why you may ask? Let me break it down for you...
Simply put I expect too much of myself and spread myself too thin. Pretty much I hit myself with a hammer and than bitch when I experience pain. WTF. No sense right? I work and party a little too much and just coast by in my classes, *NEWS FLASH: COLLEGE TAKES MORE EFFORT THAN HIGH SCHOOL* so I have to adjust my study habits which haven't been so easy. So, a few semesters ago I had to sign a contract with finanical aid that I wouldnt get below a C in any of my classes. Well, this semester I got an E in my math class. FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! But wait here is my excuse, we don't show work on our tests so if we get it wrong by a negative or not simpilfying MINUS 10!! WTF!! This was not something I expected and so on ALL of my tests, I missed the answer by a negative or not simplifying. FUCK!!! What a number that did for my self esteem.
So so so, my financial aid for spring semester will be denied. I can appeal this but my excuse "my math teacher didn't credit our steps/work on our tests, so I failed" doesn't seem like a plausible excuse. So I am having to pay for next semester myself. EK. So let's add another $1200 to my already difficult budget. I work FT and PT just to pay for my rent, car and booze. I need a financial advisor and stat. *another side note, I make $30K a year at job #1 so I should have money right? Nope, it's called IMPLUSE BUYING and POOR $$ MANAGEMENT people.*
I guess this is growing up bucko. Man, this shit sucks. So, I have some pretty difficult struggles ahead. I am an implusive buyer, so I waste money daily. I know this and I admit it, the first step right?
Oh boy. Stage 22 is being activated and I hope, no I pray that I can make it through.
ta ta...
ms. pink zebra
post script...
this always makes me feel better....
I look at blogs and I am amazed at how their backgrounds are or how they get links into their blogs. WOW. I know, I know, it takes time and I will pick it up in no time, but geez. I feel like a child of this techno age I should be running CSS codes like nothin. *Side note, I didn't even know what CSS was until...umm....yesterday when I officially started my blogs. Ya. True sad sad story.*
So if I ask super simple questions or I have mistakes and I don't know how to fix them, please don't harass the animal. :) I am still learning. I am excited to learn but please be patient and don't laugh. Well I guess you can, because I won't be able to see it. jk.
In other news...I am freaking out!!! Like I had to cry on my apartment floor, kick my feet and say "I did my best, I did my best" over and over again for at least 30 minutes. Why you may ask? Let me break it down for you...
Simply put I expect too much of myself and spread myself too thin. Pretty much I hit myself with a hammer and than bitch when I experience pain. WTF. No sense right? I work and party a little too much and just coast by in my classes, *NEWS FLASH: COLLEGE TAKES MORE EFFORT THAN HIGH SCHOOL* so I have to adjust my study habits which haven't been so easy. So, a few semesters ago I had to sign a contract with finanical aid that I wouldnt get below a C in any of my classes. Well, this semester I got an E in my math class. FUCK!!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! But wait here is my excuse, we don't show work on our tests so if we get it wrong by a negative or not simpilfying MINUS 10!! WTF!! This was not something I expected and so on ALL of my tests, I missed the answer by a negative or not simplifying. FUCK!!! What a number that did for my self esteem.
So so so, my financial aid for spring semester will be denied. I can appeal this but my excuse "my math teacher didn't credit our steps/work on our tests, so I failed" doesn't seem like a plausible excuse. So I am having to pay for next semester myself. EK. So let's add another $1200 to my already difficult budget. I work FT and PT just to pay for my rent, car and booze. I need a financial advisor and stat. *another side note, I make $30K a year at job #1 so I should have money right? Nope, it's called IMPLUSE BUYING and POOR $$ MANAGEMENT people.*
I guess this is growing up bucko. Man, this shit sucks. So, I have some pretty difficult struggles ahead. I am an implusive buyer, so I waste money daily. I know this and I admit it, the first step right?
Oh boy. Stage 22 is being activated and I hope, no I pray that I can make it through.
ta ta...
ms. pink zebra
post script...
this always makes me feel better....
Me Me Meeee.....eeeee......
hello GREAT BIG Internet world? ms. zebra says hello!! :)
this is my first blog. wow. this is very exciting.
i have been reading a few blogs for about a week and decided to tip my foot in the water. so far so good. i hope mine is as witty and interesting as i have read. clearly it is not as gramtictally correct. i will be working on that. (another reason for my blog).
lets see....more about me...
i work FT and PT weekends and attend school FT. I have great friends, a fabtastic family, and even better adventure filled weekends. So what is my problem? I am having a quarter life crisis. I am 22 and I am not where I wanted to be. (noticed the capital I).
At age 12 this is where I wanted to be...(so what? i wrote a list at 12)
- A.S Degree
- My Own Home
- Financially Stable
- Love
- Friends
- Career
- Independence
- Intelligent
- Well Read
ta..ta..the list i wrote in my journal ten years ago Saturday. wow. and sure i have accomplished...
- My Own Apt
- Friends
- Love
- Career
- Independence
- Working on intelligent
- Working on Well Read
so ok it is only a few things but i still dont feel very accomplished. i think my issue is i could have my degree right now BUT...and this is a big one...i had one too many vodka shots over the last few years. oops.
so so so....i am rediscovering myself, reinventing myself, starting stage 22 of ms. zebra!!
here i go embarking on my journey to put down the vodka and focus on making stage 22 better than ever and achieve all my goals. only 367 days to become the person i want to become!! ::::loud cheers and hollers of joy and triumph::::
this is my first blog. wow. this is very exciting.
i have been reading a few blogs for about a week and decided to tip my foot in the water. so far so good. i hope mine is as witty and interesting as i have read. clearly it is not as gramtictally correct. i will be working on that. (another reason for my blog).
lets see....more about me...
i work FT and PT weekends and attend school FT. I have great friends, a fabtastic family, and even better adventure filled weekends. So what is my problem? I am having a quarter life crisis. I am 22 and I am not where I wanted to be. (noticed the capital I).
At age 12 this is where I wanted to be...(so what? i wrote a list at 12)
- A.S Degree
- My Own Home
- Financially Stable
- Love
- Friends
- Career
- Independence
- Intelligent
- Well Read
ta..ta..the list i wrote in my journal ten years ago Saturday. wow. and sure i have accomplished...
- My Own Apt
- Friends
- Love
- Career
- Independence
- Working on intelligent
- Working on Well Read
so ok it is only a few things but i still dont feel very accomplished. i think my issue is i could have my degree right now BUT...and this is a big one...i had one too many vodka shots over the last few years. oops.
so so so....i am rediscovering myself, reinventing myself, starting stage 22 of ms. zebra!!
here i go embarking on my journey to put down the vodka and focus on making stage 22 better than ever and achieve all my goals. only 367 days to become the person i want to become!! ::::loud cheers and hollers of joy and triumph::::
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